Individuals’ names have been changed in order to protect their privacy, or that of their child /adolescent.

jordan & lisa’s story

woman standing in a garden

Jordan’s daughter Lisa joined their family through adoption, when Lisa was just 13 months old. Even when Lisa was still a toddler, Jordan (who had worked with children and families for many years) noticed that Lisa’s behaviors were not typical tantrums.  Lisa was diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder at 4 years old. By the time Lisa was 12, there was regular aggression directed towards her mom and witnessed by her younger sister, coupled with a lot of self-harm.  

Jordan describes her family’s first experience with Lisa entering a crisis center.  “Experiencing that was sort of my first taste of parenting her or being her mom in a different way.”  

Jordan and her family were engaged with their local Childrens’ Aid Society, seeking post-adoption support and help for Lisa.  Jordan reports that their CAS would only discuss two choices:  they could bring Lisa home, or they could relinquish parental rights.  The clock was ticking, and Lisa’s parents set out to create a third option on their own, from within their village of friends and extended family.

“It’ll be two years in August that Lisa has been living with a family friend, and we do our best to parent her in sort of a village approach.  She has these two homes where she belongs in both, and we can provide her with everything she needs and not take anything away.  Really quite the opposite and she can have all of us.” - Jordan

woman smiling and laughing in front of a tree

Like many other adoptive parents, Jordan frequently faced service providers who did not understand Lisa’s challenges, or their commitment to remain her parents. “…every time I got knocked down with, “Is this adoption breakdown? Because if not, there’s nothing we can do”.

Jordan and her husband have a private agreement in place with Lisa’s other caregiver, and they manage co-parenting responsibilities accordingly. In speaking about the process prior to creating this option for Lisa, Jordan notes, “…having to fight, fight, fight, and spend so much time talking about all of the negative things about your kid changes you as a parent. Eventually I started going into meetings with a whole other opening. I would say she’s an incredible gymnast. She’s hilarious. She’s this, she’s that and then I would say, and these are the behaviors we’re dealing with and this is why we need help”.

“Really the solution is not difficult when we all just sort of flip our thinking to keeping that child in focus and think outside of the box. And I think as a collective we can do that for all of our children.”